What to Expect from Couples Therapy

Making the first contact

It begins with a short message, which either of you can send. You do not need to explain the whole story, and you do not need to agree completely about why you are coming. You only need to share a few words about what has brought you here. I read and reply to enquiries myself, usually within a day or two.

The first consultation

The first session is a meeting, not a commitment to ongoing work. You will not be expected to explain everything at once, and I am not there to decide who is right. The session gives each of you space to describe what has been happening, while I begin to understand what you may need from therapy.

My role is to keep both of your experiences in view. That does not mean pretending everything is equal or avoiding difficult questions. It means helping each person feel heard, without casting either of you as the problem. Afterwards, you decide together whether to continue.

What ongoing therapy is like

In ongoing sessions, I pay attention not only to what you disagree about, but to what happens between you as you try to talk about it. I may slow a conversation down so each of you has a better chance of speaking and being heard, without casting either of you as the problem. I might return to something that seemed important, or help put words to an experience that became difficult to express.

My training is psychodynamic and relational. This means looking beyond the immediate disagreement to the patterns that have formed over time and the experiences that may sit underneath them. Earlier relationships, trauma, loss and other significant life events can shape what each of you expects, fears, reaches for or protects against in the present, sometimes without either of you being fully aware of it.

When a relationship feels stuck, trying harder to solve the same problem can sometimes deepen the frustration. Therapy offers a chance to pause, go beneath the surface and understand what is keeping the pattern rooted. This is not about blaming the past. It is about making its influence more visible, so you have more freedom in how you respond to one another now.

This is not simply taking turns to report the week’s arguments. Over time, what once felt automatic can become something you both recognise, think about and respond to differently.

Working with difference

Difference is part of every relationship, whether it is spoken about openly or not. My own mixed Black heritage and lived experience shape the care I bring to questions of race, culture, belonging and identity. Alongside my clinical work, I have also worked strategically on race equity, including as a Senior Race Equity Manager at Mind.

My background does not mean I will assume I already understand your experience. It means I am attentive to how race, culture, class, gender, sexuality, faith and other differences can shape closeness, power, misunderstanding and what feels safe to say. These differences may be central to the work, or simply one part of the wider relationship, but they do not need to be overlooked.

The practical side

First consultation

50 minutes, £80

Ongoing sessions

50 minutes, £120

Frequency

Usually weekly, at the same time each week

Location

Online, or in person near Enfield Town, Enfield Chase and Winchmore Hill, North London

Length of therapy

Agreed together and reviewed as the work develops

Reduced-fee spaces

A small number may be available

I will let you know the regular times I have available, and we can see whether one fits alongside work and family life.

When couples therapy may not be the right place to begin

Many couples arrive feeling raw, guarded, or unsure whether difficult conversations can be held without things escalating or shutting down. That can become part of what we think about together.

Where there is violence, coercive control, or either person is afraid for their safety, couples therapy may not be the safest place to begin. If that is the case, I would help you think about support that is more appropriate.