Specialist couples therapy in North London
Couples Therapy in Enfield and Online
You may still care deeply about each other, while feeling frightened by the distance, anger, silence or loss of trust between you. Couples therapy can offer a place to slow things down before another conversation ends in the same way.
I’m Adam Lawrence-Rodriguez, a BACP-registered therapist with specialist couples training from Tavistock Relationships, where I work as a visiting clinician.
When the relationship feels close to breaking point
Couples often contact me after another argument, the discovery of an affair, months of little or no intimacy, or a quiet realisation that they feel more like housemates than partners. One person may be searching for help while the other feels doubtful, exposed or unsure that talking will make a difference.
You do not need to agree completely about what the problem is before beginning. You also do not need to know whether the relationship can be repaired. Part of the work is understanding how each of you experiences what is happening and what unfolds between you when you try to reach one another.
Repeated arguments
The subject changes, but the same hurt, anger or silence returns and you both leave feeling misunderstood.
Distance and intimacy
You may feel more like housemates or co-parents, or find that affection, sex and emotional closeness have changed.
Trust and significant change
Infidelity, secrecy, bereavement, becoming parents or another major transition may have altered how secure the relationship feels.
Culture, family and difference
Race, culture, faith, class, gender, sexuality or family expectations may shape closeness and conflict in ways that are hard to name.
Why specialist couples therapy?
Working with a couple is different from seeing two individuals in the same room. It requires listening carefully to each person while also paying attention to the relationship taking shape between you.
Couples work is not an additional part of my practice. It has been at the centre of my clinical training from the outset. I trained at Tavistock Relationships, a specialist centre for couple relationships, and this continues to shape how I listen, intervene and hold both partners in mind.
How I work with couples
I help slow the conversation down before it reaches the same familiar ending. I may interrupt a pattern, return to something that has been lost or help one of you say what became difficult to express.
I pay attention to who has room to speak, who becomes quiet and what happens when either of you feels blamed, ashamed or misunderstood. I try to create enough space for both experiences to be taken seriously without casting either person as the problem.
Taking both partners seriously does not mean pretending that every action has equal impact or responsibility. I pay attention to power, fear, safety and whether each of you feels able to speak freely. I can name something difficult without turning the therapy into a case against one partner.
A relational and psychodynamic approach
The content of an argument is often only part of what is happening. Beneath it may be a fear of being left, controlled, rejected, needed too much or not needed at all. Earlier relationships, trauma, loss and family experience can shape what each of you expects and protects against in the present.
Therapy gives us time to notice these patterns as they happen, rather than only discussing them afterwards. The aim is not to blame the past or explain everything away. It is to make what has felt automatic more visible, so you have more choice in how you respond to one another now.
Explore particular relationship difficulties: Visit How I work in couples therapy for pages on affairs, intimacy, parenthood, repeated arguments, emotional distance and uncertainty about staying together.
Masculinity and the relationships we carry
Masculinity is not only something men carry. We each form a relationship to it through fathers and other men, through partners and family life, and through the wider culture. In a couple, this can shape who is expected to cope, protect, lead, withdraw or ask for help.
As a mixed-Black male therapist, my presence may hold different meanings for each of you. I do not assume what those meanings are. I offer a steady, caring space in which strength does not have to mean silence and vulnerability does not have to mean weakness.
This can help one partner find language for what has been held inside, and the other understand something that may previously have felt like distance, anger or rejection. Understanding does not excuse harmful behaviour or remove responsibility. It can make accountability and closeness more possible.
Race, culture, class, gender, sexuality, faith and family expectations can also shape who adapts, who feels understood and what becomes difficult to say. These parts of your lives do not need to be minimised or left outside the room.
What to expect from couples therapy
Making the first contact
It begins with a short message, which either of you can send. You do not need to explain the whole story or agree completely about why you are coming. A few words about what has brought you here are enough. I read and reply to enquiries myself, usually within a day or two.
The first consultation
The first 50-minute consultation is a meeting, not a commitment to ongoing therapy. It gives each of you room to describe what has been happening and experience how I work. You do not need to arrive equally certain, and there is no pressure to make decisions about the relationship in the session.
I will explain more about the process, answer practical questions and think with you about whether ongoing couples therapy feels appropriate. Afterwards, you decide together whether you would like to continue.
Ongoing sessions
Ongoing couples therapy usually takes place weekly, at the same time each week. A regular appointment gives the work continuity and allows us to stay with patterns that may take time to understand. The length of therapy is agreed together and reviewed as the work develops.
Couples therapy in Enfield and online
I offer face-to-face couples therapy in North London, with rooms near Enfield Town, Enfield Chase and Winchmore Hill. These locations are accessible from surrounding areas including Palmers Green, Southgate, Cockfosters, Oakwood and other parts of Enfield.
Online couples therapy is also available for couples who live further away, travel frequently or find it easier to attend from home. We can think together about whether meeting online or in person would suit you best.
Planning an in-person visit?View locations, travel, parking and accessibility information →
Fees and practical information
- First consultation
- 50 minutes, £80
- Ongoing sessions
- 50 minutes, £120
- Frequency
- Usually weekly, at the same time each week
- Location
- Online, or in person near Enfield Town, Enfield Chase and Winchmore Hill
- Length of therapy
- Agreed together and reviewed as the work develops
- Reduced-fee spaces
- A small number may be available
I will let you know the regular times I have available, and we can see whether one fits alongside work and family life.
When couples therapy may not be the right place to begin
Many couples arrive feeling raw, guarded or unsure whether difficult conversations can be held without things escalating or shutting down. That can become part of what we think about together.
Where there is violence, coercive control, or either person is afraid for their safety, couples therapy may not be the safest place to begin. If that is the case, I would help you think about support that is more appropriate.
Frequently asked questions
Do you take sides in couples therapy?
My role is not to decide which of you is right. I keep both experiences in view while remaining able to name harmful behaviour, imbalances of power or something that needs careful attention. Holding both partners in mind is not the same as treating everything as equal.
Will my partner feel blamed?
I will not assume the person who made the enquiry is right or that the less certain partner is the problem. I want both of you to have room to speak, including about fears that therapy itself may become another place of criticism.
Will you challenge us?
I may interrupt a familiar pattern or draw attention to withdrawing, blaming or speaking over one another. I try to do this carefully, without shaming either person.
Do we have to be married to attend?
No. I work with couples in different forms of committed relationship. Couples therapy, relationship counselling and marriage counselling are often used to describe similar kinds of support.
Can couples therapy help after infidelity or a loss of trust?
It can provide a place to understand the impact of what has happened, hold responsibility clearly and consider whether trust and connection can begin to be rebuilt.
Can we talk about sex and intimacy?
Yes. Changes in desire, sex, affection and emotional intimacy are common reasons couples seek therapy. These conversations can be approached carefully and without judgement.
How often do couples attend?
I usually work with couples weekly at a regular time. Consistency helps the therapy develop and gives us enough continuity to understand patterns rather than only responding to the latest difficulty.
Further reflections: You can also visit the Reading Room, where I write about the ordinary moments through which distance, intimacy, race, gender and relationship patterns can be felt.
You do not need to have decided what happens next
A few words about what has brought you here are enough. The first consultation gives us time to meet, hear from both of you and see if working together feels right.
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